Domestication

The elephant flicks at the canvas with paintbrush in snout. It is learning to draw other elephants with the aid of farmhands. And the technique is good, it’s even innovative. It’s all part of domestication, if you do what people want from you, they’ll give you a reward.

That’s how I feel about relationships. I’m the feral animal that distrusts and is suspicious of human activity. Being in love, is a flux of oxytocin and dopamine, and they will reach equilibrium soon. But it’s been a year, since those feelings have hit rock bottom and yet I still can’t stop from feeling lonely. Even after all the sex and relationships I’ve been in, only one person remains in my mind to still hold that place of desire. Sorely, I hate to admit that I was domesticated and I miss being so.

There is a pond nearby, and the turtles swim up to greet me. The baby turtles are most curious of all and they swim dangerously close to me. There was a time when i felt so lonely and judged, and that for someone who never gave a shit was falling apart, it was those turtles that offered the most comfort. It’s just that nature is not judgmental and there are no opinions to receive.

And I drove back home passing the empty gas station with only the shell remaining-the sign read $1.79 per gallon. You can count the age of that place by the price like someone counting the rings of a tree.

~ by tripitika on July 16, 2008.